²⁷ Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,
When it is in the power of your hand to do so.
²⁸ Do not say to your neighbor,
“ Go, and come back,
And tomorrow I will give it,”
When you have it with you.

This month, I’ve decided to read one chapter of Proverbs each day as a devotional. I’ve heard of others doing this and thought it was a good idea. So now I’ve finally begun. Wisdom is probably the most important thing we could request of from the Lord. Believe me when I say I can use all the wisdom I can get. Wisdom is the ability to make good, godly choices. I really really want wisdom.

Now for a confession. As you all know, I am involved in ministry to the homeless. I love the homeless… on my terms. I love one on one interaction with them. I love them when they are my patients. I love them when I sit with them during Bible study. But lately, when I see a homeless person at the end of the exit ramp, holding the little sign, I feel resentment. I resent the fact he wants something from me. I resent the fact he thinks he’s entitled to handouts. Do I really know what he is thinking? NO!

So what do I do? I ignore him. I stare straight ahead. I pretend he isn’t there. Like the Pharisee in the parable, I cross to the other side of the road. I’ve been crying to God for days and days because I feel like I’ve lost Him. I’ve known there is some sin in my life keeping me at a distance from Him. I just haven’t been able to see it. I’ve been begging Him to show me what it is.

Over the past week alone, He has put people directly in my path. The other day, there was a woman standing in the middle of the road at 6am. Instead of stopping to ask her if she needed help, I beeped at her to get out of the way. I felt my heart get a little bit harder. Every homeless person I ignored these last couple of weeks has led to more and more hardness, more and more sadness and pain. God has been putting all these people directly in front of me, practically flashing a neon sign in my face that screams “MICHELLE! LOOK AT US! HELP US! LOVE US!” But like Jonah, I run the other way because I just want to be left alone. I don’t want to be bothered by the hopelessness all the time.

Last night it finally came to a crashing halt. I stopped at Subway before worship practice. There in front of the store was a homeless guy. I ignored him. I went into the store and got my food and ate it. I so grieved the Holy Spirit when I ignored His prompting to buy that man food. I politely walked on by like the good Pharisee I have become, got in my car and went on to practice. I HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY WRONG!

I couldn’t even look at my brothers and sisters. I couldn’t speak to them. I could barely lift up my instrument to play. All I wanted to do was leave and crawl under the rock I so rightly deserve to live under. My mind was screaming to them, “I’M THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITE, THE WORST SINNER, A PHARISEE! I DON’T DESERVE ANY OF YOU!  I DON’T DESERVE YOUR RESPECT OR YOUR LOVE!”

When we were finished practicing, John asked me if I wanted to talk. I said yes. My other confession is I hate confessing! I can do it easily enough here on the internet because I don’t have to see the look of disgust on your face. But to actually confess to someone face to face? Well then I know I’ll turn into stone or a pillar of salt even. One of my biggest fears in life is to lose the friends I have. To confess to them and let them see how horrible I really am is painfully hard. To let them see me cry is painfully hard.

But confession leads to repentance. God says if we confess our sins to each other we will be healed. I have to believe what God says and not how I feel. God is truth and that truth sets me free. And so I confessed. And so the Lord finally got through my thick skull and allowed me to repent. And all the glory goes to the Lord!

James 5:16
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I just want to thank my brothers and sisters for letting me confess to them. I want to thank God for putting up with me. I want to thank Him for new mercy. I want to thank Him for His unfailing love and patience. I want to thank Him for His discipline because I know He disciplines those He loves. I frequently wonder why He loves me? I may never know why, but I will be forever grateful He loves me despite who I am.

Please pray for this to sink in deep so I can move forward and not slip back into old ways of thinking. Thanks for “listening.”

Forever His… Michelle

Blessed be God,Who has not turned away my prayer, Nor His mercy from me!

I got up this morning, read my Bible, got in the car and headed to work. As I was driving to work, I prayed. I’ve really got to  stop praying and driving at the same time. I can’t focus on both. I really feel like I’m ripping off the Lord praying to Him this way and I feel as though my prayers are hitting a wall. I was actually quite sad by the time I got to work. I spent some extra time in the car after I arrived. I asked the Lord to give me somebody today who needed to hear how  much He loves them.

I went in to the hospital feeling quite blue. I changed into scrubs. I clocked in and went to the desk to check my assignment. I was assigned to do a heart. I went to my room to prepare for the day. I went about my job without a word. I was feeling to blue to speak. The scrub was busy complaining about the fact the case wasn’t picked correctly. Various people came and went, each complaining about the things they usually complain about. Finally, the scrub noticed I was quiet. She asked me if I was okay. Then she said she didn’t think I like being on the heart team. I finally spoke up. I said the heart team is fine, I just don’t like the daily complaining. It wears me out.

Then I went to meet the patient. I could tell immediately that Henry was not happy. Most patients aren’t exactly overjoyed to be having heart surgery, but they are usually pleasant, polite, and cooperative. Henry wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I asked him if he was okay. He said he was actually quite apprehensive. He didn’t appreciate that people kept telling him to relax. He said they should try being in his position. I told him it was perfectly normal to feel this way. He then said something about Jesus Christ. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it wasn’t negative.

So I told him Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and I pray for my patients. He started to cry. I asked him if Jesus was his Savior. He said he didn’t even know anymore. He said he had totally drifted away from God, hadn’t thought about Him in a very long time. Now that he was sick, he didn’t think it was okay to suddenly call out to him. I told him maybe he’s sick because God wants him to cry out to him. He said his sickness was all his own fault due to his life style. He wasn’t blaming anybody but himself. I leaned in closer to him and told him to call on the Lord. I told him to just ask God to forgive him for all his sins, to ask Him to save him. I told him that we were meant to meet. I told him how just this morning I prayed to meet somebody who needed to know how much God loves him. I told him he was that person. God answered my prayer! I encouraged him to call on the Lord, to seek His forgiveness, to focus on Him because He is the One who will take care of him. He began to calm down a bit. He thanked me. I told him we would take very good care of him. I told him I would come visit him after surgery. He thanked me again because he has no family. I said I would be his family.

When he came to the OR, Henry asked me to talk to his friend if anything went wrong. He told me to tell his friend to tell his daughter he loves her. So he has family afterall. Please keep Henry in your prayers. When I left work, he was still in surgery. Everything was going well. Please pray for him to come through surgery and do well. I am hoping to see him tomorrow. I am praying to encourage him some more, maybe find out about his daughter. I am going to take him a Gospel of John. Pray for his heart to be soft and tender toward the Gospel.

God is good!

Forever His… Michelle

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

The Problem of Jealousy

Do you ever look at someone else’s life and want what she has? It could be anything really, her friends, her family, her job, her ministry, her stuff.

Definitions

jealous – showing extreme cupidity, painfully desirous of another’s advantages, suspicious or unduly suspicious or fearful of being displaced by a rival.

covet – wish, long, or crave for something, especially the property of another person.

cupidity – extreme greed for material wealth.

So what’s so wrong with being a little jealous? Let’s think about it. Is there ever really such a thing as a little jealousy? Jealousy leads to ruined relationships and families. It leads to hatred and murder.

Examples

In Genesis 37, we read about the story of Joseph and his brothers. The problem starts with Jacob loving Joseph more than his brothers. He gives him a beautiful, special coat and his brothers come to hate him because they are so jealous of him. This leads to wanting to murder him. Rueben, the oldest brother talks the rest out of this heinous act. They throw Joseph in a well and while Rueben is gone, they sell Joseph into slavery to the Ishmaelites.

Genesis 37:6-11
6He said to them, “Hear this dream that I have dreamed: 7Behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and behold, my sheaf arose and stood upright. And behold, your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.” 8His brothers said to him, “Are you indeed to reign over us? Or are you indeed to rule over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.

9Then he dreamed another dream and told it to his brothers and said, “Behold, I have dreamed another dream. Behold, the sun, the moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” 10But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall I and your mother and your brothers indeed come to bow ourselves to the ground before you?” 11And his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the saying in mind.

Acts 7:9
9″And the patriarchs, jealous of Joseph, sold him into Egypt; but God was with him

Jealousy led to the death of our Savior, Jesus Christ. As you read the Gospels, it becomes clearer and clearer the pharisees were extremely jealous of Jesus. He was teaching something completely different than what they thought was right. He gained a huge following of people who loved Him and worshiped Him. He was receiving all the things they wanted for themselves. They didn’t want to lose their positions of authority and power. Jesus Christ was a threat to their very existence.

Mark 15:6-14
Pilate Delivers Jesus to Be Crucified
6 Now at the feast he used to release for them one prisoner for whom they asked. 7And among the rebels in prison, who had committed murder in the insurrection, there was a man called Barabbas. 8And the crowd came up and began to ask Pilate to do as he usually did for them. 9And he answered them, saying, “Do you want me to release for you the King of the Jews?” 10For he perceived that it was out of envy that the chief priests had delivered him up. 11But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to have him release for them Barabbas instead. 12And Pilate again said to them, “Then what shall I do with the man you call the King of the Jews?” 13And they cried out again, “Crucify him.” 14And Pilate said to them, “Why, what evil has he done?” But they shouted all the more, “Crucify him.”

Confession Time

I confess to being jealous of how God is using my friends for His purpose. Last weekend, a bunch of my friends went to participate in ministry at the Aids Camp in Orlando. I wondered why I wasn’t invited to participate. I was thinking I wasn’t good enough to be involved. I was believing they left me out because they don’t like me. But I was twisting my thoughts into stories that are just not true!

God has a plan for my life, just like He has a plan for your life. It doesn’t involve anyone else’s plan. When I look at other people and covet the plan God has for them, it’s as if I am saying God made a mistake regarding my life. God does not make mistakes!

We are always where we are supposed to be. He moves us and directs us like pieces on a chess board. We are supposed to be the pieces He created us to be. We cannot be anything else.

Why We Should Run From Jealousy

Proverbs 3:31-32
31 Do not envy a man of violence
and do not choose any of his ways,
32for the devious person is an abomination to the LORD,
but the upright are in his confidence.

Proverbs 24:19-20
19 Fret not yourself because of evildoers,
and be not envious of the wicked,
20for the evil man has no future;
the lamp of the wicked will be put out.

Ecclesiastes 4:4
4Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.

Let’s Be The Opposite of Jealous, Let’s Be Content

Luke 3:14
14Soldiers also asked him, “And we, what shall we do?” And he said to them, “Do not extort money from anyone by threats or by false accusation, and be content with your wages.”

Philippians 4:11-13
11Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

1 Timothy 6:8-10
8But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 9But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

Hebrews 13:5
5Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Application

Take a long hard look in the mirror. Let’s ask God to search our hearts and show us if we are harboring jealousy. Let’s confess to Him. He will forgive us and take the jealousy away. Let’s find someone we trust and confess to her so we may be accountable to someone. Remember to be vigilant because confession and surrender are life long processes! Finally, give thanks to God for His mercy!

Forever His… Michelle